Wedding Blurs Part 2: Erasing The Blurs
Updated: Sep 1, 2020
The music was loud. That's a good thing. She wouldn't have to indulge in small talk. It's not like she didn't like talking. Oh no! She loved it. But now was not the time. This was not the place. And these were not the people.
She was here for a reason. And she was determined to return only once her purpose was achieved.
She walked up to the bar, carefully evading the spots with bright light. She was wearing a simple, elegant navy blue dress, short enough to show off her shapely legs, but long enough to differentiate her from the teenage girls who had just found freedom from their uniforms and were leaving no stones unturned to enjoy it. She smirked a little. She'd been there, and she knew that feeling. But that was another time. Seemed almost like another life to her.
He was with her then.
They had just met, and were still a little formal with each other, but his infectious company was not something anyone could ignore. She would glance at him from the corner of her eyes, and smirk shyly at his quips to the other friends. He would chat up the server like he was a regular, and he even managed to get a free round of drinks for everyone. No one knew how. He just did.
She shook her head to clear these thoughts. No. This wasn't a time to get nostalgic. It would make things even more difficult. She ordered a drink - strong scotch on the rocks. That was her new poison. She was far from her Cosmo and Mojito days. With a swirl of the glass, her gaze swirled, and then stopped. Yes. That one. In the corner. He was quiet, but looked eager. He was young, yet not so young that he would be impressionable. She picked up her glass, and started walking towards him. Her hands were steady, but the same could not be said of her knees.
The knees were always a dead giveaway with her. It is how he would catch her fibbing. When they fought (oh yes they fought!), she would try to be stubborn and stand her ground. She feared losing him, and while her face never showed it, her knees would just not stop quivering. Of course he knew, and of course he let her win, with a little knowing grin. He hated that she feared so much. He would always tell her, 'You cannot stop what may or may not happen. Instead of fearing the possibilities, just experience the present.' Preachy. But then again, it is exactly how he lived.
She walked up to the young man at the club, and struck up a conversation. Mindless small talk. She was an expert at it now. Relatives, in-laws, friends of the husband, even with the husband, practice was aplenty. The husband was on a business trip, and in a way so was she. With the husband and other relatives around, the mindless housework would aid in drowning the screams in her head. For them she was the ideal daughter in law. Always the first to volunteer for any chore, always busy with keeping everything in order, and even assisting her husband with office work. But only she knew how important it was to her that she stay busy all the time. And then, there were days like these. When no amount of work would be enough, when the screams leaped out of her head and surrounded her like a numbing reality. And here she was, finding another way to drown them.
She laughed and drank with the young man and his friends. An hour later, she whispered to him, 'Tell me you have a place', and smiled. A practiced smile. And expressionless eyes. He on the other hand, could not believe his luck. He stuttered a yes, and fumbled in his pocket for the car keys. She lead the way out of the club as he followed, quite shocked.
She was going to do it. She was going to have another one night stand. Maybe it will work eventually. These empty, meaningless encounters would eventually forge an empty meaningless hole in her soul. So that she could finally live without him, and could finally bear to live with his memory.
(Photo by Sérgio Alves Santos on Unsplash)